01 Feb Good Enough? (Am I?) (Sharon Says No!)
"You’re stupid. You’re an idiot. No one likes you. You're not good enough". Just a snippet of some of the awful things Sharon usually says to me. Every day.
Like me, you probably have a Sharon in your life. For the most part, Sharon doesn’t like us. In fact, I’d even say she hates us. I mean, Good enough for what? According to Sharon, for pretty much anything, obviously. By and large, Sharon thinks I’m ugly. Thinks I don’t deserve my husband. Or my friends. Not to mention my kids. For one thing, she thinks they’d be better off with another mum. Poor things got stuck with me? Sharon thinks it’s especially unfair on them, after all.
All things considered, Sharon, my friends, is an asshat .
Why do I listen to her unyielding hate speech? Why do I even allow her into my life?
In short, I just don't know.
Would you like to see a photo of this crusty old spite-badger?
Here she is, in all her splendour…
Nope, she’s not invisible. She just doesn’t exist.
In essence, Sharon is the name I gave to that voice in my head. You know the one. If you’re a normal human being, that voice has whispered in your ear too. She's voice that cuts you down. Holds you back. Generally speaking, she's that damn asshat that ruins everything. I gave her a name. Sharon. I don't like Sharon.
But here’s the thing… when you give something a name, you pull it out of the abstract. Out of the unconscious ether and into the real world. Like when you’re feeling under the weather with a bucket of different symptoms. Sore throat. Fever. Aches and pains… hang on isn’t that the flu? You’ve got the flu! There it is. Obviously. Here’s the remedy. Because it has a name now you can tackle it. You can talk about it. In a word, You can deal with it.
Before Sharon existed, I just had an overflowing bucket of symptoms. Doubt. Fear. Hate. Guilt. Fat-thigh-ness. Once I gave her a name though, I gave myself permission to talk about her. And as soon as I could talk about her, I could talk to her. And do you know what I say to her?
“Shut up Sharon. Just shut up”
Whenever she rears her ugly head (and she ugly!) I tell her. I don’t argue with her. In particular, I don’t negotiate. It's actually Sharon who isn't good enough for that.
(almost) As soon as she tells me I’m not good enough, I use my big girl voice and in brief, tell her to shut the fuck up.
And you know what? She usually does.
Generally speaking, that’s the deal with the Sharon’s of this world, she’s not real and she’s not right. She’s just a voice. And because she's in your head, you're the one in control of what she says. She's just a sickness like the flu. No fun but definitely curable.
If you ever practice mindfulness, you’ll read about voices like Sharon. They describe her slightly differently… They would say Sharon is a thought. It's important to realise that a thought is not a fact. It's like a cloud floating along in the sky. It’s definitely there, oh yes ma’am, but it’s not permanent. You may not like a cloud on a sunny day, but with practice you can definitely learn to observe it, not let it ruin your picnic and watch it float on by as you continue to enjoy your sandwich undisturbed. So to clarify, Sharon is a cloud. An asshat cloud, to be precise, and you can not let her ruin your picnic!
If Sharon Isn't real, Does that mean I am good enough?
Before Sharon had a name, I thought those clouds were permanent (well, I am from Ireland, where clouds generally do last forever, but you know what I mean). I was wrong. Turns out I’m not stupid, I just do stupid things sometimes. Apparently not everybody’s hates me, I just rub some people up the wrong way sometimes. Best of all, contrary to what Sharon would have me believe, surprisingly my baby boys think I'm a bit fab. Who knew? Certainly not Sharon.
By and large, as with most toxic horrible people in your life, the more you engage with them, the more power you give them over you. Listen to me, do not engage. Do not negotiate. We don’t negotiate with terrorists. That’s right, all things considered, Sharon is a asshat terrorist cloud come to disturb your picnic and rain down hate on your delightful gingham blanket and baked goods that you were up all night making (the secret ingredient was love, sigh).
Ultimately, the question we should all be asking ourselves at this point is 'why would anyone listen to an asshat terrorist cloud?' Don’t do it. Definitely give your voice cloud a name. I chose Sharon. From my personal experience, it represents in brief, an undynamic, shortsighted, selfish, mean spirited windbag that I never want to be.
Don’t want to be her.
Don’t want to listen to her.
And so I don't.
Why not give it a go? Find a name that you enjoy shouting at. A name that represents everything you don’t want to become. On the whole, a name that makes you feel happy telling to shut up…
Shut up Janice. Shut up Valentina.
Shut up Dave. Shut up Soo-Jung.
Shut up Geovane. Shut up Makeba.
Just shut up!
Again and again whenever they open their stupid mouths to cut you down. Tell them to shut up and float on by, immediately. And then, get back to your picnic without delay. That is to say, get back to thinking you are indeed good enough. In fact, friend, you're downright fabulous. Now go enjoy that sunny day and all your real life friends. (or Netflix and that packet of crisps. whatever)
Seriously, talk to your real friends. Sharon isn’t real.
In conclusion, shut up Sharon. Just. Shut. Up.
(Ps, if your name is Sharon, hello. This is awkward. I’m sure you’re lovely. Please go back to the top and read this again with your own asshat terrorist cloud name of choice. It’ll be much better for both of us, I swear. I wasn’t talking about you when I said Sharon was an asshat. Sorry!)